Angels and Demons and Slugs
by Aaymeirah
Summary: Sometimes it was like living with an angel and a demon on his shoulder. Warlock knew about this concept because Brother Francis made him read a book that had old illustrations of very unrealistic angels and demons whispering into people's ears. Not that he really knew what angels and demons looked like, but what use are wings if they aren't even attached to your body? Stupid adults


Sometimes, it was like living with an angel and a demon on his shoulder. Warlock knew about this concept because Brother Francis made him read a book that had old illustrations of very unrealistic angels and demons whispering into people's ears. Not that he really knew what angels and demons looked like, but what use are wings if they aren't even attached to your body? Stupid adults.

The book talked about the angel counseling good, and the demon counseling bad, always fighting for dominance. This was exactly like Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis. Case in point; yesterday Brother Francis told him he should ignore those stupid kids mom made him visit who taunted him for still having a Nanny at nine years old while Nanny Ashtoreth grew angry and helped him devise a plan of revenge involving silly string, a few paperclips, and a leaf-blower.

There was a problem with this theory of his though. The angel and the demon were supposed to hate each other. And while Nanny and Brother Francis sniped at each other, they never actually acted like they hated each other. Warlock knew this because he hated schoolwork, and he did anything to avoid it. On the other hand, Nanny and Brother Francis,were always glancing at each other and whispering when they thought he couldn't see. C'mon, he was nine, not stupid!

However, the strangest proof to his theory was that Brother Francis always seemed to say the exact opposite of what Nanny Ashtoreth told him and Nanny Ashtoreth did the same. They never even had a real chance to talk to each other, because they were both busy during the day and Warlock knew that everybody went to bed at 9 pm. He did. It was only fair.

Maybe all gardeners and Nannies were like this.

"Watch out for that slug my boy," Brother Francis put a hand on his shoulder, which caused him to pull up short, break out of his musings and look with disgust at the slimy creature that was just about to be crushed under his boot.

"Ew."

"We must love all God's creatures. Yes, even the ones whose outward appearance is off-putting."

"But slugs are pests!"

"That doesn't mean we have to kill them. Besides, you'll get your boot all covered in guts."

"Whatever," Warlock muttered, continuing to walk beside Brother Francis as they toured the gardens he knew so well.

"Here is another slug. See? It's only eating the leaf, not harming you at all," Brother Francis smiled toothily at Warlock. Warlock decided to give him his best sullen glare. For all that Brother Francis seemed to fulfill the angelic role, he didn't seem to trust that Warlock wouldn't just ignore the gross and slimy thing like an angel who was supposed to see the best in people should.

* * *

"School is canceled for the day," said Nanny Ashtoreth as she swept into the room in a swirl of black skirts. Warlock looked up from the paper he was happily drawing army tanks on, the kind he imagined his Dad used when he went into the dangerous territory of something called troubled political waters. Warlock didn't exactly know what that meant, but he did know that it sounded really cool.

"Why?" Warlock asked.

"We are going on a slug extermination mission. Time to get rid of those blighters," Nanny said.

"But Brother Francis said to leave them alone, they aren't hurting anybody,"

"Anybody being the keyword. The slugs are hurting the plants," Nanny scowled, "Brother Francis is sometimes too nice for his own good. I'm tired of seeing that slug infestation destroy the perfectly lovely gardens out there. So come on, put on your jacket." When Warlock continued to sit there staring at her, she sighed.

"Or would you rather stay inside and do schoolwork?" Nanny had Warlock there.

"So, how do we kill them?" Warlock asked Nanny with interest as she led the way to the big kitchen.

"We're going to create and set out slug removal traps, and if you see any slugs, you'll spray them with a special slug killing solution," Nanny replied, smiling at Warlock from behind her glasses.

"Awesome."

As Warlock watched Nanny commandeer the kitchen to put together saucers and containers of cornmeal or milk or beer, he decided that she looked to be filled with demonic glee. This was another example of suspiciously going directly against Brother Francis's counsels. Maybe this was their version of fighting- through battling over slugs.

"Warlock, get me the mister bottles," Nanny said as she took a generous swig from the beer bottle before grimacing and glaring at it. He got up and found two nice blue-green ones.

"Will these ones work?" he asked. Nanny Ashtoreth glared at him.

"Warlock, you're the Antichrist. Believe they will work and they will." Warlock looked at the bottles in his hands.

"They do work?" To demonstrate he sprayed the one that had a small amount of tepid water in it.

"Just give me them little-demon child," Nanny said with exasperation, somewhat ruining the effect by ruffling his hair at the same time.

"Hey! Not the hair," Warlock groaned.

* * *

"15 slugs for me!" Warlock crowed, holding up a dead one just sprayed with the ammonia mixture from his gloved hands. This was so much more fun than school!

"I'm taking the long way around by planting these traps," Nany said as a pitiful excuse for only having killed one.

"Hey! Another one." Warlock tossed the dead slug into the bucket and lunged to spray it. He missed and fell face-first into the dirt. Ow. This was gross. He raised his head to see a pair of muddy boots belonging to Brother Francis. Now it was embarrassing as well.

"Are you alright my boy?" he asked kindly, offering a hand to pull him up. Warlock scowled, he didn't need any help!

"Yes. I'm fine," brushing himself off, Warlock turned to see Nanny Ashtoreth watching him, holding a cup of beer and a shovel in the other hand, genuine smile on her face. For him or for Brother Francis? He turned quickly to see Brother Francis looking at Nanny Ashtoreth, not at him in sympathy as he should be.

"What are you two doing in my garden?" Brother Francis asked curiously. Nanny drew herself up to address the hunched over gardener.

"Saving your garden from destruction by slug."

"You're killing them?" yelped Brother Francis.

"Gotta make sure the pests don't come back. It's for the good of the plants."

"So to save one thing, you're killing another?" Brother Francis demanded. Not with anger as Warlock thought he would have, it was his garden after all, but with interest in Nanny Ashtoreth's motivations.

"You were the one who let the situation develop enough that hard choices had to be made."

"So it's my fault?"

"It's nobody's really, but the slug infestation is a problem that needs to be dealt with." Nanny lifted an eyebrow as she continued to stare at Brother Francis, ignoring Warlock and the new slug he had just severed with the metal head of the garden shovel.

"I suppose I can see that."

"You suppose! Angel I don't-"

"Can we go inside now Nanny? My feet are all slimey," Warlock whined. These two were spending entirely too much time in some weird unspoken conversation. Time they should be spending paying attention to him and all the slugs he had killed!

"Of course dear," Nanny sighed. "Brother Francis, I'll leave the supplies here. Of course you must deal with things as you see fit, since you are the gardener"

"That sounds.. good," Brother Francis looked disappointed for a moment before he smiled at Warlock.

"Have fun, my boy." Warlock snorted. He was dirty and cold, killing slugs had lost its' appeal and now he was even more confused about Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis.

"With what?"

"Life. The world. It won't be around forever you know," Brother Francis replied as he picked up the basket full of slug traps, "unless you do something about it."

"Okay," shrugged Warlock "have fun with the slugs I guess."

"I- will." Brother Francis said, managing to look only mildly disgusted with the brown creatures that had already congregated at a milk saucer by his feet.

* * *

His train-themed alarm clock said 11 pm when Warlock woke up from a deep sleep because of a sudden draft of cold air. Blearily looking around him, he saw that the window had blown open. Darn. Getting out of bed, Warlock decided to try to close it himself. After all, he was nine. He didn't need his Nanny for every little thing. He took a moment to look out the window, then took another when he saw two familiar figures standing just beneath it talking quietly. A secret meeting, awesome! The thought that maybe Nanny had lied to him about everyone going to sleep at the same time came to him suddenly. But then again...this was the perfect time to practice his cool eavesdropping skills.

"Angel...I'll just...oh thank you, my dear boy...miracle...slugs are little blighters...not my favorite of Her creations...actually, I think...Gabriel made 'em, really?" Disjointed words from Brother Francis and Nanny Ashtoreth reached his ears then fell away as the two moved away from under the window and onto the path to Brother Francis's cottage. Warlock yawned as he strained his ears to catch more. Nothing. There was really no point in listening further. He carefully closed the window and got back into bed.

As he drifted off to sleep, Warlock decided that even if Nanny called Brother Francis angel, even if they wanted him to do opposite things, even if they didn't really seem to hate each other and quite rudely communicated silently over his head, he still liked them both. After all, the few other kids he'd played with didn't have someone cool enough to help plan awesome revenge or someone nice enough to listen to him and never intentionally make him feel stupid. Maybe his theory was right after all.

Sleep claimed Warlock and he smiled as the musings were cast aside in favor of a dream of silly stringed revenge, crushed slugs and the comforting presence of an angel and a demon on his shoulders.


End file.
